"Inserting Tab 'A' in Slot 'B'"
© 1996
J. Mitch Hopper
J. Mitch Hopper
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J. Mitch Hopper |
"I'm right here! Don't talk about me like I'm not here! I AM here, and I'm not an idiot!"
"Terribly sorry, Aunt Violet. But what the devil is this thing anyway? What is it supposed to do?" I was getting frustrated and talking to Jason's idiot aunt wasn't helping. I should have known she was right behind me, I could smell the cedar, mothballs and day-old dog food.
"The man on the Tee Vee said it was great for kids his age."
"But what is it?" I asked.
"The quantities were limited and I had to act fast."
"But what is it?"
"You're only supposed to need a screwdriver and a pair of pliers. Why did you bring in your whole tool-kit for such a simple job, you silly man?"
"But what is it?
"You know they sent it by Federal Express? I know that's not a U.S. government department. Why do they let them call it that?"
"WHAT IS IT?" I was up on my knees. "OW! Damn, damn, damn, damn, shit!"
My lovely wife dropped her magazine. "Watch your language, Earl! What's the matter now?"
"I think I shoved this whatsis, here, through my knee! I don't even know what it is that's gonna cripple me for life! Happy now, Aunt Violet?"
"Should'a gone through his skull." She thought she was whispering to my wife but since she has been nearly deaf since Lindburg's day, we've grown used to the shouting.